


shiro gives the Talk

by deathandnetflix



Series: that's not what you said last night: klance/shiro gives the talk [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Established Keith/Lance (Voltron), Everyone Is Alive, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Human Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Half-Siblings, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Good Boyfriend, M/M, Memes, No Angst, No Smut, Nobody is Dead, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Sassy Pidge | Katie Holt, Sequel, Shiro (Voltron) is So Done, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), The Talk, Unofficial Sequel, i mean...depends on what you define as smut, lance is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 08:31:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathandnetflix/pseuds/deathandnetflix
Summary: Sequel to "that's not what you were saying last night", by request of BoaHancock1. Shiro gives the Talk to Allura and Coran, who are weirdly fascinated and also grossed out. Read "that's not what you were saying last night" to get everything sorted.Excerpt:“I’m six,” Shiro mumbles. “I can’t give the Talk. I can’t.”“Space Dad finally admits he’s six!” Lance crows.“Why don’t you and Keith explain? You’re the ones who have the most experience, anyway,” Shiro says pointedly.





	shiro gives the Talk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BoaHancock1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoaHancock1/gifts).



> This is a gift for BoaHancock1. Want that fic idea that's been floating around in your head but you're too lazy to get up and type it out? Comment your idea on this fic and I'll write it if I like it. I am gloriously and notoriously fickle, so don’t expect it a couple of hours later.
> 
> Go check out my other fics, "ambuLANCE" and "and i'm still waking in the morning (but it's not with you)!" ambuLANCE is a pure tooth-rotting piece of fluff with Keith and Lance based on a tumblr post, and "and i'm still waking in the morning (but it's not with you)" is a horrible, gut-wrenching slice of angst about Hanahaki!Keith and Lance and denial.
> 
> There are mentions of sex, but it's never actually discussed in detail. I don't know. Set your own standards and decide whether you want to read or not.

They’re all sitting in the common room while Hunk is cooking dinner when Allura asks the inevitable: “So, how do humans mate?”

Everyone immediately looks at Shiro. “You’re the adult,” Pidge declares. “You explain.”  
“But-but not every human here has had the Talk,” Shiro protests weakly, pointing at Pidge.  
She rolls her eyes. “I’ve had the Talk, you coward,” she replies. “I’m too innocent.” She bats her eyes and smiles terribly.

“But Shiro can’t even say the word ‘sex’ out loud. He actually says ‘hanky panky’,” Keith points out. Shiro makes a mental note to never tell anything to Keith ever again. Apparently being Broganes only goes so far.  
“True,” Lance snorts. “That’s why it’ll be that much funnier.”  
“I’m six,” Shiro mumbles. “I can’t give the Talk. I can’t.”  
“Space Dad finally admits he’s six!” Lance crows.  
“Why don’t you and Keith explain? You’re the ones who have the most experience, anyway,” Shiro says pointedly.

“Pfft. Hell no. I had to give the Talk to each of my younger siblings. Horribly awkward. Especially for the sisters.” Lance shudders. “Never doing it again.”  
“Besides, you could probably explain without melting into a puddle on the floor,” Keith mutters, scooting closer to Lance.

“I must admit, I am also very curious,” Coran chirps, gloriously oblivious to the way Shiro is shooting him a please-help look. “Alteans typically do not teach physical affection to their young, although they are capable of love. What Earth would call “test tube babies” are often utilized.”  
“Fine,” Shiro sighs, if only to escape another unwanted Coran Story. “I’ll do it.”

“Yeah, Shiro!” Lance hoots, clapping his hands.  
“I didn’t sign up for this,” Shiro mumbles. “Okay. Um. When a-”  
“-mommy and a daddy love each other _very _much,” Lance and Pidge interject gleefully at the same time. Pidge high fives Lance.__

__“Is that a meme?” Keith asks confusedly.  
“Oh, Mullet. You have so much to learn,” Lance coos, bopping Keith on the nose._ _

“Um, yes. When two people like each other a...lot, and they each have consent because consent is important-”  
“GET TO THE GOOD PART,” Pidge roars, slapping her hands on her lap. Shiro jumps.  
“-they, uh, sleep together and make a baby. The end,” Shiro says, fidgeting. “Is that good enough? Do you get it? Are you satisfied? Please don’t make me tell you more-” 

“Do tell us more, Shiro,” Pidge says, glasses glinting. “How, exactly, do they sleep together?” She steeples her fingers under her chin, leaning forward. “Lance, tell me you’re recording this for posterity.”  


Lance nods, zooming in on Shiro’s face with the space camera. “Smile, you’re on galactic television!”  


“Pidge, he’s doing his best,” Allura says. She smiles at Shiro. “You’re doing great.” She turns around and whispers to everyone else, "He's floundering, but he needs encouragement."  
“Yes, blah blah blah,” Pidge says. “I want _more _.”__

____

“Um, males in our species have these things-”  
“They’re called dicks,” Lance says.  
“Hrrgh. Yes, I suppose. And females have these things called, uh, vaginas-” 

___At this point, Shiro is burying his head in his hands. His voice is muffled as he forces out a rushed “ _andthemalesticksitinthefemaleanditdoesstuffandthere’sababytada _”, lets out a strangled “erghp”, and starts rocking back and forth.___ _ _

“But I have studied human anatomy, and it would appear that Keith and Lance are both males, with Keith still possessing a male reproductive system despite being half-Galra,” Coran says.  
“Yes,” Pidge replies. 

__"So how would they make offspring?” Allura asks, with a look on her face that screams “I’ll regret this.”  
“They don’t. They just do it for enjoyment,” Pidge says. “They’re weird.”  
“And because we’ve been dating for a long time and Keith trains a lot and he has abs,” Lance says, ruffling Keith’s black hair and fluffing it up. “And that’s hot.”  
“Shut up,” Keith mutters, burying his face in Lance’s hoodie. "I thought Shiro was the one in the hot seat here." 

_____"I suppose I grasp the concept now," Allura says, face conveying confusion and terror. Coran is staring at Lance and Keith like they’re specimens under a microscope. "Fascinating."_ _ _ _ _

______________“And then the baby is born out of the female,” Allura says, tapping her chin.  
“Yeah,” Pidge replies.  
“Is that not painful?” Coran asks. 

________“Oh yeah. And then you have a wailing little shit, like Pidge who grows up into an angsty teenager like Keith, and then a grown-up who’s dead on the inside, like Shiro.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Bet Shiro did keg stands over Benadryl,” Keith says in a rare moment of humor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shiro, finally partially recovered, chokes on his own spit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And then Hunk comes in with a purple something in a pot that smells like fries and says, “What were you guys talking about? Sounded quite entertaining.” The space mice, perched on the edge of the pot, squeak as they dole out servings of the purple Jell-O._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just giving Allura the Talk,” Lance says nonchalantly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t wish to broach this subject any more,” Shiro says in a stiff voice, attempting to hold on to the last shreds of his dignity._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hunk pats him on the back with an oven mitt. “I’m pretty relieved I wasn’t here for it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I have many more questions,” Coran says, brow knitted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh boy,” Lance cheers half-heartedly. “Coran, can we save them for after dinner?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> it's a tumblr! that I have! [mctrashbucket](https://mctrashbucket.tumblr.com/)


End file.
